Thursday, November 10, 2011

Thoughtful About . . . Keeping Up

I've realized something over the last two weeks: I can't do it all.

I know, right? SHOCKER. Call the local news! Roseanna White cannot do everything! ;-) But seriously, this was a big deal for me. This realization that I have finally reached my saturation point, that I have taken on all I can handle and maybe a little bit more.

That something's got to give, and it's going to have to be my stubborn determination to keep all those balls in the air.

I've had these days and weeks before, the ones where I feel totally overwhelmed and ready to snap. But usually, those have been from self-imposed deadlines (which I take just as seriously as outside-imposed ones, but still), from self-determined tasks.

Not so right now. Now I have obligations to others, people depending on me for things only I can do. I'd be happy to delegate--really, I would be. But can someone else write my books for me?

Um, no.

Can someone else do my editing?

Um, not really, no--not some parts of it.

Can someone else pack up all the books, manage all the lists? If we hire someone, but at the moment, I'm it.

Can someone else teach my kids?

Well, actually...

See, my husband and I decided back when we were in high school that we were going to homeschool. We knew that was what we were supposed to do to guarantee that our kids got the education we really want them to have. And I love knowing exactly what they're taught, exactly how they're doing. I love being able to answer their questions.

I love it--but I'm afraid that with all that's on my plate right now, I'm not giving it the attention it needs. And I've had to entertain the notion this past week that at a certain point, what's best for my kids' education might not be me.

Ouch.

It's hard for someone who has always been confident in her ability to do whatever she set her mind on to admit that maybe she's let things slip too far. Maybe she's hurting more than she's helping. Maybe the messy house has degraded into a certifiable disaster zone, maybe the good intentions aren't enough, maybe some things would be better off if she got her hand out of them.

But that's where I am. And you know, realizing that is . . . freeing. All of a sudden I know that some things are going to change. And I know that it's going to take time and work to change them. But I can hear the Lord whispering in my ear, "I ask you to do your tasks, daughter--not everyone else's. Do them, do them well. And then let go."

Sometimes trying to keep up is just a matter of pride, not a matter of doing what you actually should. I think that's where I've been lately. But it's finally to the point where I want to let some things go. Where the blessings in one realm are going to help me balance out the need in another. Thank you, Lord, for letting it work that way!

I don't think change is ever easy, but you know--sometimes staying the same is even harder. There comes a time when we can't keep up with the race we've entered. It doesn't mean we should give up . . . just that we should take a different course.

3 comments:

  1. Sounds like you're on a wise path, Roseanna. I think these days its easy for a Christian parent to feel pressured or guilted into homeschooling. I homeschooled for 5 years and it was right for that season of my life, and then it wasn't. The first year I felt like I didn't do as good of a job as the local public school was the last year I homeschooled. I've seen waaay too many people do it wrong.

    I actually wrote an article about it before school started last year. http://www.inkwellinspirations.com/2010/09/to-homeschool-or-not-to-homeschool

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  2. I hear you, Roseanna. And I agree with Dina, you are on a wise path. (love the pic, btw) I was juggling too many things for a while there, until I could finally let go, but the transition wasn't so easy. I felt like I was not only doing too many things but doing them all not well. Not good. But I have learned to give myself some grace. The important thing is that you are listening to the Lord and allowing Him to guide your steps. Praying for you.

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  3. Roseanna. I WISH you could possibly understand how much I needed this. THANK YOU. Praying for you and the changes in BOTH of our lives!

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