I've got a lot to do today to meet my self-appointed deadline and get a manuscript ready to submit to a requesting editor by tomorrow. A task which would have been easy, had my critique partners not all agreed the ending needed work. I knew it needed work--but it turned into more than expected.
And, yes, for a minute yesterday I thumped my head against my desk and whined, "This book stinks and I'm a lousy writer to have made it stink. God, help me out here!!" And then I shook it off, finished the edits I was already doing, and let the right-on advice from my critters simmer.
Why I was doing this flitted through my mind throughout the afternoon. There may have been a few moments of pride when the me from a few years ago reared its ugly head and said, "What do they know? Do it your way." But I told that voice to shut up, because I knew better. And because God has given me a beautiful opportunity here, and it's my responsibility not to squander it.
I've been thinking a lot lately about being worthy of the calling He's given me, of being a good steward of what He's blessed me with. That means doing my best to make this manuscript not just passable, but good. Why? Because this is my chance to get it published. This, right here. Time is an issue, yes, but it's not one of those things where I expect an editor might say, "Well, I don't want it now, but maybe in a few months . . ." It's going to be yes or no. And I have to do my part to ensure that "yes." Still doesn't guarantee it, because much of the decision is out of my hands. But my book, my story--that's mine, in my hands. And I'm putting it into God's, trusting Him to show me, often through the amazing friends and critique partners He's given me, how to make it not only better, but the best it can be.
I'm hoping and praying I get 95% of the remaining work on it done today. Because, you see, tomorrow is Rowyn's birthday. Can we believe this kid is turning 3?? How did THAT happen? LOL. But oh my, what a fun year's it's been with him. He's grown into a little boy who makes me laugh regularly, who cuddles a lot, "vroom"s a lot, and, yes, hits his sister a lot too, LOL. I find it hilarious that though he plays with girls 99% of the time--which means tea sets and baby dolls and aprons, yes--he's such a boy while he does it. On Tuesday he had a blue apron on and was walking around with such a cowboy-saunter that he made it look like a pair of chaps with a gun holstered to his waist. He takes care of the baby dolls . . . which means putting them in a stroller and hurtling them through the house like there's a rocket strapped to their backsides.
For his birthday, Rowyn requested one thing--a blue cake (everything MUST be blue with him, LOL). So today Mama has to go get a cake mix, toss in some food coloring, and make my little buddy's dreams come true. =) Happy Birthday, Ro-boy! We love you like crazy and can't wait to see what 3 brings for you.